Secret Bonus Level presents:
Don’t want to read this? I don’t blame you! Find out what happened with your EARS not your EYES!
As he floated past the window, Vos regarded Noah Page’s spaceship landing outside WRIR. “F*** that,” He said to no one.
“F*** what?” Sanji coughed as he smoked a lavender cigarette.
“F*** nothing.” Vos allocated. “It’s a tie-in to my music video.”
“Sorry I’m late!” Noah laughed as he stumbled into WRIR, so tangled in colorful yarn that he could barely walk. “I was playing with a bunch of the kittens we had on Meow Mix that one time! But the band has the night off this week, so I knew you’d be able to–”
“Execute a coup?” Vos interrupted. The right hand of Vos glowed blue with melancholy as he made a fist, and a similarly blue mist lifted Noah Page into the air. Anime!
“The band’s dragon ball pizza!” Exclaimed a baffled Noah Page. “With tesseract on half!” He spun in the air as it glowed a brighter shade of blue around him. “How much of it did you eat? You know that two slices alone is enough for any one man to make radio magic! Side effects may include short-lived supervillainy.”
Vos was unwavering. “Yes. Side effects may indeed.”
“Okay, man. But just this once!” Noah Page squeaked, trying to maintain some semblance of authority as he hovered out of the studio, under the influence of Vos’ newfound telekinetic power. “What are you going to call it?”
“The Vos Show,” Vos growled cinematically as the door to that extra bathroom at WRIR that everyone forgets about slammed shut and locked Noah Page away. “Or The Vos Bonus Level. Secret Vos Level. Bonus Vos … something like that. I don’t know. I’ll make it up on the air.”
And that he did! The Vos Show was hosted elegantly, rapped superbly, et cetera and more et cetera after that.
The show began with a special guest appearance by Silke, of Silke Road Ent. This guys been so busy with all his events and stuff that it was important to us to dedicate some time to letting him rap, and since we have a radio show WHY NOT LET HIM DO IT ON THE RADIO!? Do you know about this guy? After scoping him out at the last few Legion of Doom meetings, we’ve realized his powers, experience points, and the trophies on his achievement grid may well add up to a being who is somehow kindred to the
Secret Bonus Level Vos Show theology to pushing rap in our weird city. If you don’t know, Silke’s been booking some impressive rap shows and events at Infuzion lately. These things have like TWENTY guys on like every single bill. In fact, he’s having an event next week that is a sort of a contest and he’s bringing the two winners on our show! And dude, if you were to peek in his phone, you’d see quite a few missed calls from Baskin Robins what with all the new, different kinds of flavors on these shows. Black Liquid’s been there. Lil Ruii has been there. Chris Haskins has been there. Lithium God has been there. How does Silke even know all these guys? And yeah, he’s even had some of our own BFF’s monkeying around in his treehouse! Vos himself is performing there on Wednesday night along with the Raw Most Records guys! And MC Correct has performed at Infuzion more than once!
Speaking of, MC Correct rapped early in the show tonight! Spending so many late nights arguing with Noah Page over who drinks more in the dms on IG must’ve at some point prompted MC Correct to check out the Noah’s recaps of Secret Bonus Level, where he realized that everyone earnestly anticipates his turns on the mic throughout each episode. Or maybe he was just in a rappity mood, coming fresh from a live performance of his own! MC Correct is a mother falcon good rapper, if you don’t know. Feeding his baby falcons. And like those baby falcons, getting pushed out of their trees any moment to see if they fly or smack into the dirt, MC Correct himself has been growing and changing. We’ve all been watching his views on youtube increase. And we love to see him performing live, whether on Grace Street, at Infuzion, wherever. So many talented artists come through our show and we wish we’d see or hear more from them, or just wish we had some way of knowing whether or not we had more to look forward to from them. With MC Correct, we know for sure he’s in it, devoted.
Dogfriend and Sanji both gave Vos some pretty interesting beats. They really added zest to The Vos Show. When a guy puts the outside of that lemon directly on the cheese grater, that’s a dude who knows how to add zest. And these beats even got little bits of lemon skin stuck in Noah Page’s teeth even from all the way locked in the extra bathroom. HAHA, that sounds weird. Vos locked him in the bathroom when he took over the show, remember? Anyway, Sanji’s beats, as always, are a testament to the fact that quality has made style and genre totally irrelevant. When people first start to listen to Sanji’s beats, they usually remark at the diversity of genre and style. The more you hear of them though, you start to notice he throws curve balls in there like he had those banana scoop things for arms. I don’t think we’ve ever heard beats by Dogfriend before, and he was totally using his banana scoops too. The first beat he played of the evening was so unusual that Silke admitted some difficulty rapping to it. I really liked that beat too, and it’s a good example of what I’m talking about here. Rhythmic, tonal or structural absurdities that put the pickles in your ice cream have a way of drawing you in, making you want to hear and know more about what you’re listening to, because you realize someone’s had insight, good reason to pursue something that seems utterly preposterous. Innovations like those outshine the genre aspect of these beats to the point that you sort of forget genre is even a thing for a second while you’re listening to it. Oh, and Dogboyfriend put some video game noises in it for me too. I like those. Bloo-dud-oodle-BLOOP! Bla-RA-AH-ANG!
Anyway, maybe it was the soothing aroma of Sanji’s lavender cigarettes, or maybe it was some appreciation of Dogfuuuuuu’s fashion sense (he made some good choices in terms of zippers), or maybe it was just that his gastrointestinal system metabolized the last little bit of that magic pizza, but whatever it was, Vos eventually decided that Noah Page had learned his lesson. Which was, I guess, not to host his own show? Or that you can maintain your perfect record of having live musical performances on every episode of Secret Bonus Level if you just rename the entire show whenever no one is there to actually play an instrument? Anyway, Vos even let Noah Page host Can You Rap to That?, during which he shared a special moment with DoggieFoggie. And that was nice of Vos. We all know how much Noah Page loves people rapping to things they shouldn’t.
And Frankenstein! If Vos had made Noah Page sit in the bathroom all night then he never would’ve met or heard about Frankenstein Reyes. Frank is a really good rapper. I fully intend to pour the Secret Bonus Kool Aid right on him. I don’t care if he’s sticky! I’ll still give him a hug. This guy has maybe the most energy of anyone who has come on so far. He’d at least be on par with Throwdaparty. I’d love to see the two of them together, comparing energies, just to see. Like a Telsa and an Edison, like a Telsa and a Toyota Prius, like a Tesla and some other kind of coil that also makes your hair stand up, like a Telsa and a slight of hand magician played by Christian Bale and Christian Bale. But for real, Frankenstein Reyes, whose name I really hope I’m spelling right, is a great guy. Sanji often makes the astute point that in rap, as in everything, it’s often about what you say as much as HOW you say it. This is lost on a lot of rappers we’ve met. But Frankenstein makes himself his words. He was so hyped up that the whole studio went a little bananas for a second, just sort of feeding off his energy. For more on that, see Vos’ freestyle over the Power Rangers’ theme song. He kicked it into a gear we didn’t even know Vos was built with!
Anyway, we’re back to normal next week. Well, normal for us. You know! The Secret Bonus Level Band, everything! I’m glad too. I miss them so much! I hope they’re okay. I hope they’ve been going on walks that help them appreciate the beauty of nature and spending their money responsibly and meeting girls who are nice and interested in them really as PEOPLE, not as sexual objects.
Anyway, see you then!
NoahPage 216 October 5th, 2017